o lord, make my enemies ridiculous

it was a day of shit. I’ve been sicker this week than I ever remember being (yesterday I tried to get out of bed and fainted on my floor and who even does that) and New York is all rainy and gross and I woke up to an email from my supervisor to the tune of “why are you not at work and we are mad at you” and I had to give a scheduled phone interview today about an event I’m producing and I was sick and delirious and probably sounded like a loser. BUT THEN.

okay so Tao Lin I guess is moving? and was doing this thing where if you caught one of his blog posts at the right time and sent him a sum of money he would send you some of the stuff he’s trying to get rid of from his house. and I did that, and I got the stuff today, and it was so good. evidence below, and please ignore the awful mortal details of my life like the rug and the glare of my ugly lighting:

two issues of Maggy which I have skimmed and which look like they will keep me busy for days

this?

an issue of The Stranger with, uh, yeah

Muumuu House-related things

non-Muumuu House-related things

this was actually the first book I bought after coming to New York and it has colored my experience here in a lot of ways. so his copy will probably end up going to one of my friends but this was still nice.

three identical photos of a dog

I am not really sure but there were multiple copies of each

a koala playing a clarinet. or oboe. this made me laugh so hard.

so I guess the moral of the story is Tao Lin is cool and makes shitty days less shitty. now I am going to go lie in bed and drink tea and read things and hope I am well enough to go to work in the morning.

and I built my dream setlist and I just want to have this so that after the show I can check off how many she actually played. so basically I would die if this happened:

1. It’s Alright
2. Spring Street
3. Teen for God
4. Are You Out There
5. The One Who Knows
6. The Babysitter’s Here
7. End of the Summer
8. So Close to My Heart
9. Whispering Pines
10. February
11. You’re Aging Well
12. If I Wrote You
13. What Do You Love More Than Love
14. Iowa
15. When I Was a Boy
16. Better Things
17. (encore) As Cool As I Am

okay so Upstairs at the Square, right? Ann Beattie and the girl from Once.

I have previously detailed my obsessive love for Neil from Walks with Men. in case it isn’t clear, let me reiterate: he is perfection, and I fucking love him, and by extension, I love Ann Beattie for creating him.

I love her even more after Upstairs at the Square, though. she reminds me a bit of Joni Mitchell, with her long, straight hair and prominent cheekbones. she is maybe 55 or 60? and is attractive in the way that healthy older women can be attractive. she looks like she probably gardens and takes long, brisk walks. am I overanalyzing this? whatever. she’s frank and funny and unpretentious, and has a very rare gift for a writer—she’s able to talk seriously about writing as a craft, without coming off as snobbish or sanctimonious. you get the sense that she knows that she’s good, but isn’t trying to rub it in your face. she knows she has a gift and she wants to demystify it and show everyone else how to get there.

anyway. so after she read (she reads beautifully), she did a quick signing. she was standing at the table, with a chair pulled up next to her, and she had one foot up on the chair. it was so casual. someone asked for a picture with her and she sounded genuinely surprised.

so I went up to her with my copy of Walks with Men and laid it on the table in front of her. my copy of this book is fucked up, to say the least, and I was like “I think you can probably tell by the condition of this book that—”

“—you’ve read it a couple times?” she was grinning.

“yeah quite a few. I love so much of your work but this is in another realm entirely. it’s so hypnotic and beautiful.”

“wow, well, thank you.”

“oh and if there are any guys in the world who are actually like Neil, I’d like to know where to find them. he is the most amazing thing ever and I just love him so much. he’s perfect.”

okay on the back of the book there’s a blurb from Miranda July, who I think knows a thing or two about storytelling, and she says that this is a book for “all women who have thought ‘run!’—but did not run.” I have never understood this. maybe it’s a personal thing but honestly, even though Neil is maybe a little deceptive and shady, there is not a single thing about him that would ever induce me to even think about running. like, I desperately want to find this guy in real life. I adore him. but Miranda July’s blurb, and the way the summary on the back calls him “intoxicating” as opposed to something nicer like “enchanting,” and the way nearly everyone in the book seems kind of creeped out by him, lead me to believe that he probably wasn’t intended to come across as attractive as I find him. this is probably why, after listening to me gush about her fictional character, Ann Beattie kind of widened her eyes and said “oh, wow.”

so that was a little embarrassing. but she was very nice. she grinned again when she handed the book back to me and said “I always take it as a compliment when I see a bent-up book.” she’s a class act. I like her so much.